Remind yourself of all that you have accomplished this far.

Be positive with your self talk. When you catch a negative comment to self, change it up.  You are not stupid because you made a mistake for example. You just made a mistake. Learn from the lesson, grow and move forward. So instead of “I’m so stupid.  Why did I do that?” change it to “That was a valuable lesson. Thank you”.

Believe in yourself!

Love yourself!

Be passionate with all that you do whether your focus is business, health, inner strength, confidence, personal dreams, personal growth, etc.

Who are you? 

What do you want?

Answer these questions. Reconnect with yourself to light your inner fire.

​It feels good to be validated by others, but that validation is fleeting.

Validation by others places an importance on what other's think. This importance creates stress and anxiety for us when we try to maintain that approval. Keep in mind that if you ask ten different people what you should do, you will get ten different answers.

The priority is what is important to you.  Work toward that!

​Do not be imprisoned in the last chapter of your life.

Let go of yesterday to live in today. When you do, the possibilities are endless. 

There are many storms throughout life. These storms hold valuable lessons that assist in our growth, confidence, self-assurance, maturation, etc.

Even in the stormy moments we can find beauty. 

See each moment for what it is.  Release expectations and just experience!

Make this a habit.

​Not all solutions have to be difficult. We can try so hard to find a solution that we overlook the obvious.

Step away from the issue and come back with a clear mind and fresh eyes. 

Deal with one step at a time and again have an open mind.

Do not be afraid to reach out to someone else for a new or different perspective.

​If we are too emotionally connected to the details, we tend to focus on the flaws and we do not see the beauty of the whole.
 
Take a step back!

Far too often we look at hardships and personal storms as punishments.

These life events are not punishments; they are valuable lessons to build strength, to broaden our knowledge and to bring us together with others. Life's storms can helps us to put things into proper perspective.
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Storms are blessings in disguise

​We frequently place limits on ourselves without realizing it. Don't believe everything you hear and get cause up in false ideas. We seldom exceed our expectations, so it is important to set high but realistic expectations. Do not sell yourself short.

​Over the past couple of weeks, we have focused on overdependency, its roots, the damage it can cause and what we can do to move past it.

How would you like to see your independent life in a month from now, in a year from now?

What changes need to be made to fulfill this vision?
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Visualize yourself making these changes and then one step at a time, make them. Life is not going to change completely over night, but it will change one day at a time. Have the courage to take the first step!

We looked at setting boundaries with our partner, parents and friend.

We can also enroll into classes for learning something of interest or doing something you enjoy. Learning new things broadens your awareness and builds self-esteem. It could be a course on self help for personal development (a win win) or a hobby that would be fun.

Also, quality relationships are more important that quantity but do not place your life into one person’s hands. Socialize with likeminded individuals. Have a circle of friends. There are more and more groups opening back up now. Take advantage of this.

​We know what overdependence looks like but what can we do to not only cope but thrive?

What triggers you personally to reach out for your partner, parent or friend because you do not feel capable of dealing with the issue yourself?  

Speak to your partner, parent or friend and ask them to assist you by establishing boundaries of when and when not to give assistance. Have them remind you that this is a decision you can make on your own.  

Each independent decision made on your own will build confidence for the next decision.  The first step is always the hardest.  Each step afterwards becomes more and more easy.  

This is a good start.

​We know what overdependence looks like but what can we do to not only cope but thrive?

Again, it is natural to rely on others for things we cannot do ourselves.  Reach out for professional help if you have tried to deal with overdependence unsuccessfully.

Things you can do to help yourself include all the things we suggest continually in our posts including meditation, relation, walks in nature, healthy nutrient as these are staples for a healthy mind, body and soul. 

​You must also incorporate self study.  We cannot deal with an issue if we do not understand why we do what we do. Information is power!

Let’s look at some personal coping skills in our next post.

We have touched on the traits and links to overdependency, but did you know there can be physical symptoms that accompany overdependence?
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It is not uncommon for someone who is overdependent to experience headaches, muscle aches, digestion issues, sleep issues, etc.

It is natural to be dependent to some degree. Right from birth we are dependent on someone, at the very least, to feed us. 

As adults, we are dependent on others who are trained as mechanics, plumbers, electricians, physicians, etc. to help us in our day to day lives.

Emotional overdependence can be linked to over authoritarian parent(s), abandonment, but particularly with those suffering from low self esteem, low confidence, insecurities, etc.
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Overdependent individuals usually lack confidence in themselves. They can fear rejection and as a result, will not voice their opinions and are submissive in fear of offending those they depend on.

These individuals generally do not want to take responsibility for any decisions, big or small.

Overdependent individuals generally do not like to be alone and experience a feeling of emptiness when they are alone.

Being alone can create anxiety ​

Someone who is overdependent on others may find it hard to make decisions without a partner's, parents, friend's etc. input. They may put the individual they depend on up on a pedestal and experience jealousy around this individual’s relationships with others.

Overdependent individuals may stay in an unhealthy or abusive relationship to maintain the support they feel they cannot exist without.

​We just finished our focus on self doubt.  We would now like to take a look at “overdependence” in the next few posts.

Overdependence is defined by the Oxford Dictionary as “dependence to an excessive degree”.

Overdependence can be with a person, a relationship, an action, a substance, etc. We will focus on emotional overdependency over the next few posts.

​What can we do to make “I can’t into I can”?

We have previously suggested not to compare, that its okay to make mistakes, and to reflect on achievements and practice.

There is one more important step………Question your negative thoughts.

Question them!

Step away from negative thinking. Always use positive self talk. Stop planting negative seeds.

Write your own positive affirmation and say it to yourself whenever it is required.

Remind yourself that you are brave, that you are capable and you want this!

“I run because it's so symbolic of life. You have to drive yourself to overcome the obstacles. You might feel that you can't. But then you find your inner strength, and realize you're capable of so much more than you thought.”  Arthur Blank

​What can we do to make “I can’t into I can”?

Stop comparing yourself to others.  We each have our own strengths and weaknesses.  You would never compare an apple to an orange.  Don’t compare yourself to others.

Remember that it is human to make mistakes.  Stop being so hard on yourself.  Without mistakes we would never learn and grow.  Mistakes are lessons.  Learn from them and move on.

Reflect on your past achievements. If you are a visual person, write them down and read them over.  Remind yourself that you were capable in the past and you are capable now.
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And do not forget practice, practice, practice!  

It is helpful to understand why you experience self doubt. Most self doubt stems from past experiences.
What experiences in the past could have contributed to your self doubt?

Are you afraid of change?

Do you compare yourself to others?

Did your upbringing emphasize perfection?

What are your past failures? Do they define you?
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What are your expectations?

​Symptoms of self doubt can include second guessing your decisions or not deciding at all, choosing to be a spectator as opposed to a participant, procrastinating, lack of motivation, anxiety, being negative or expecting the worse, thinking others are better than you, blaming yourself when circumstances turn out different than expected….to name just a few.
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What can we do to make “I can’t into I can”?

According to the Oxford Dictionary “self doubt” means the lack of confidence in one's self and one's abilities.

Everyone suffers from self doubt at some point.

Self doubt may affect only one aspect of our life, or it may be completely debilitating.
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We will dive a little deeper into self doubt over the next few posts.

​We have been looking at withdrawal management over the past few posts.

There are many tools for success available to us.  The most important tool is determination to see the goals through.  Remind yourself why you are making this change and what the long terms benefits will be.

Do not hesitate to reach out for professional withdrawal management.

Hypnosis is a wonderful tool to help boost confidence and to reduce stress and anxiety around withdrawal.

​Withdrawal has many different symptoms. 

Withdrawal management is essential to your success and safety. If symptoms become too great or concerning, reach out for assistance to ensure your success but some withdrawal symptoms can be managed with simple tools.

It is not unusual to feel fatigue, depression, anxiety, etc.  Do what you can to prepare ahead of time to manage these reactions. Eat well (prepare and freeze healthy meals ahead of quitting), get out into nature when possible, be with friends and people who support you (but not those who share your addictions), sign up for yoga and/or meditation classes (download guided meditations from You Tube or other apps if you are not feeling up to going out in the beginning).  Record a reminder to yourself of why you have decided to quit and make sure to include all the benefits you look forward to when you are addiction free in your recording. Play this to yourself as frequently as required.

Ensure that you get lots of rest. Even if you are experiencing insomnia, lying down and resting has its benefits even if you do not sleep.  Rest is medicine for your body and mind.
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You can do this!